My Story

The 1st July 2010

The day my life was flipped upside down.

It was about 8am I was sitting eating my cheerios on the sofa sunshine beaming through the window, was just a completely normal day getting ready to leave for school. My mum always drove me, my sister and two cousins Lauren and Sadie (more to come on them in future posts) to school because we were lazy and hated the buses. However, this day my cousins were off to a concert so wasn’t coming to school meaning we left a few minutes later than normal. Anyway, my mum went upstairs to brush her teeth and get changed, this is when the day went from completely normal to the day I will never forget. Me and my sister are both downstairs when we hear a BANG, I remember my sister shouting up the stairs all ok? No answer. So, my sister ran upstairs to find my mum lying on the of the bathroom unconscious. She screamed and I mean I’ve never heard a scream so loud ‘EMMA CALL 999 NOOOWW’.

Before even thinking my initial reaction was to run to my auntie (only lived the next street along) while on the phone to 999. We hadn’t long been in this house so I didn’t know the address I remember just screaming track my phone track my phone please please help. Before I reached my aunties house, she was already on her way to me she could hear and said she just knew. This is all happening in the space of a few minutes if not seconds. We run upstairs to my sister attending to my mum in tears with the dog panting across the hallway. We had a staff back then called Tess that was literally my mums’ pride and joy and you could tell that Tess new something was wrong. Sue sue (My Auntie) took over CPR and told me and my sister to go downstairs, at this point a neighboured approached us and I just looked at him and said ‘help my auntie please’. The Ambulance fast response was there in minutes of us getting of the phone, followed by 2 large ambulances, this is when I got really worried. We are now outside the house don’t ask why I can’t answer that, but my cousins where with us. Us 4 girls were welcomed into a neighbour’s house while we wait, a few moments later my auntie appeared from the house…’I tried, I really tried’ she cried out while a paramedic comforted her.

Fast forward we are now in an ambulance being blue lighted to hospital, me, my sister and auntie in one ambulance and my mum in another. We arrive at Mayday and are put into this tiny claustrophobic room. By this point my dad had driven and met us at the hospital (My mum and dad weren’t together btw if anyone’s thinking where he was). What felt like forever was probably only a minute but this is when the day all starts to blur into one. Two doctors entered the room, one very young I’m sure was a trainee and an older man. They looked us in the eyes and the words came out ‘were sorry we couldn’t do anymore’.

I wish I could explain the feeling that followed them words, my body and mind just went numb, and I just ran, ran straight out the room. The young doctor followed and we sat on a bench outside of A&E, we didn’t even talk she just hugged me. A moment I will never forget and made me realise how tough there job really is. She eventually said to me lets go back inside your cousins are on their way you don’t want them to find out like this, so off we went back inside and I kinda have a big memory block from this point. My cousins, there dad, my nan and mum’s boyfriend arrived and we were all just sat in this horrible room crying.

Mum was then put into a room where family could go and say their goodbyes. Me and my sister wasn’t sure if we wanted to see this so we sat back in the waiting room until the very last minute before was going to leave the hospital. I looked at my sister and said let’s do this together, so in we went. Nothing can prepare you for seeing a dead body let alone your mums’ dead body. We both took her hand and just sat and chatted and I am so happy we plucked up the courage to do so, it’s a memory that will forever hold a big place in my heart.

So, that was the story of the day it happened but you’re probably thinking what actually caused her to die? Short Answer a Cardiac Arrest. However, there’s a lot more behind this. The next few weeks were a complete blur and I couldn’t tell you much about them other than we were planning a funeral. We were staying with my auntie at this time and one afternoon we were in the garden when she got a phone call, it was the results of the post mortem. Bless my auntie she had just lost her sister, looking after her own two girls as well as taking on me and my sister and not once did I think how is she coping (DW there will be a dedicated post to this wonder women). The results showed that mum had blockages on 3 sections of heart due to a cancerous tumour. You kinda need your heart functioning to survive so this was the cause of death. Nope we didn’t know about the tumours before, but about 3/4 weeks prior mum didn’t feel well and was diagnosed with a chest infection but that was all we knew until it was to late.

So there goes, that’s the story of the day I lost my mum, 1st July 2010.

I would like to thank all the strangers that helped that day, the ambulance crew, our neighbour and the doctors and nurses who all tried there best to keep my mum alive.

A very personal & emotional post, I hope sharing my story can help others share there’s.

Lots of love

The Girl with Grief xx

About Me

Hello I’m Emma, a 25 year old who has been dealing with grief for the last 10 years.

Grief can come with a million different emotions and there is no guide to follow when you lose a loved one.

So the purpose of this blog is to share my story and experience so others can relate and reach out. Remember its ok to not be ok. Grief is a journey and everyone travels at their own pace.

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